Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Balance

Having a baby, especially your first, is kinda like a tsunami that hits land. You hear of it, you imagine it, you could prepare for it. But realistically your never really prepared 100% so its throws everything outta whack. Your mental state, your physical state, your social state.

I mean there's not one thing that having a kid doesnt effect.
It totally changes everything in a strange way, and not how you ever thought it would.
So you can hear from people about this "change" but you relly just dont get it at all until you go through it.
i can say that only cuz that was me, i kept on hearing this stuff, and thought ya ya life will change, ya ya my likes and dislikes will change.   But only now i think back and say....ohhhhhhh thats what they really meant!!!

Every parent i have ever met all says this " they grow up so fast and change so fast"  although i feel like iv had you a life time and these 4 1/2 months feel like years i imagine when i look back im gonna say ohhhhh that what they meant (= im still trying to savor every moment and embrace the new changes. So its all good!

Just like your changing daily, im changing right along with you. My wants, needs, likes all are changing   but i guess thats just all a part of nature. for evolution to take place we must continue to change and transform I guess.
I am head over heals in love with you, every day i become more attached to you, just when i think how its impossible to love something more, the very next day comes and i say "0hhhh" ya I can love you more.

Some days are easier then others but the days that are hard  still are worth every min.
The hardest part has becoming trying to leave you for a few hours here and there.
I'm with you 24/7. Since I work from home it's been really nice not having to leave you with anyone. But once in a while I think its good for me to go and do things by myself and so your dad or grandparents watch you.
But then I usually feel guilty and wanna rush home right away to see you.
(funny little spell in me you have little girl. )
When your grandma offers watch you I think- ok we can have an adult night without worrying about getting you to bed or feeding you for a few hours, but when it comes down to it, I can't leave you yet!! Yep must be a some sort of weird new mom syndrome, but I guess when I think about it, the time I spent with you is very precious to me and I don't want to miss anything.

I use to feel like that about going out on the weekends. I always wanted to go out so we dont miss anything fun. Now that's all changed.
I love spending time with friends but still rather chill with you at any time
  .
But I guess that's where the balance comes in. Just like any relationship ts good to sometimes have breaks from one another, to be around other adults and to be around different environments.

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